


And now I'm under all

by quilledcorsair



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Gen, cs angst, speculation fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-22
Updated: 2016-03-22
Packaged: 2018-05-28 09:18:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6323707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quilledcorsair/pseuds/quilledcorsair
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>But this isn’t about her, this was about him. His choice. She wouldn’t take that from him again. Her gaze shifted to the man behind him, Liam’s eyes sharp as steel and just as cold, and smiled tightly at him.</p>
<p>Killian makes a choice, Emma does too.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And now I'm under all

Emma stepped back in shock, her throat constricting and chest tight as if she couldn’t get enough air in her lungs. Her breath came out in stilted pants, a long tear slipping down her face as she stared up at him with devastation because she _just_ got him back. But this isn’t about her, this was about him. His choice. She wouldn’t take that from him again. Her gaze shifted to the man behind him, Liam’s eyes sharp as steel and just as cold, and smiled tightly at him, pushing past the Brothers Jones and walking away, her shoulders squared.

She could hear Killian calling for her, but she just sped up, wanting to get away from here as soon as she could, wanting a moment alone. She clenched her eyes closed and poofed herself somewhere else.

She sucked in a sharp breath, the cold her stinging her cheeks and nose, eyes watering slightly. She shook her head, noticing where her feet had unconsciously led her to – the dock. She wanted to laugh at the irony. Too weary of the past, _God¸ of the past month_ , she settled on a bench facing the ocean, or at least the Underbrooke version of it. She sighed, letting her head fall back and her eyes close, letting the sound of waves breaking soothe her aching heart.

It must have been hours later when she heard someone come up behind her. “Mom?” Henry whispered in concern, sitting next to her. “Are you okay?”

“How’d you find me?” she asked instead, her eyes still closed.

“Killian- he told me you might be here. He wanted to come but...” he cut himself off, shrugging. “well, you know,” he finished awkwardly.

She slowly opened her eyes, tilting her head to get a good look at her son, shooting him a watery smile. “Yeah,” she agreed, pulling him close and resting her head on his.

After a pregnant pause, he asked, his voice trembling slightly, “Is he really going to move on? Leave us?”

Emma bit her lips, not wanting to cry about this, not in-front of Henry. “I don’t know, kid,” she choked out. “But no matter what he decides, he’s never going to leave us, okay?”

Henry scoffed, and it just about broke her heart, seeing how cynical he is becoming, how his heart his hardening. She doesn’t want that for him, never for him. “Henry, Killian loves us. But he’s had a- a very long life. He asked me to let go and move on and I didn’t respect that – _twice_. I can’t take away his choice from him, I can’t take _Liam_ from him.”

-/-

Emma was back up in her room at her ( _their_ ) house, Henry sprawled in his bed across her room. She laid curled up under the blankets, her eyes trained on the slow whirring of the fan and her hand clenched on the ring Killian gave her – _Liam’s ring_ , she reminded herself. She swallowed thickly, blinking away the tears.

A soft knock startled her, making her sit up and call for the person to enter. She was expecting her mom, who seemed to hover more than usual once the others found out what was happening. Or even Regina. A part of her expected it, needed it even, but she never thought he’d actually come.

“Killian,” she breathed out, trying to smile as she sat up straighter.

“Swan,” he nodded, inching into the room, only stepping further when she waved him in. He hovered at the foot of her bed, both looking around awkwardly, trying to brave the storm and get this conversation out of the way.

“What you said, by the well-” she began, but her cut her off.

“You wanted to split your heart,” he blurted, surprising her.

“What?”

He hesitated before taking a seat next to her on the bed, their hands inches apart. “You- you wanted to split your heart with me. Your _heart_. Bloody hell, Emma, do you know how reckless that is?” he demanded, his brows furrowed and jaw clenched.

She sighed, running her hand through her hair. “I would do anything to keep you safe, you should know that by now,” she argued.

“That’s precisely it, Emma,” he snapped back. “You never gave me the choice. I wanted you to let me go, to live your life. I didn’t want you to risk yourself – let alone your family!” He stood up now and started to pace. “Now, you are stuck here. Why couldn’t just listen to me for one bloody time? Why do you insist on this recklessness?”

“It’s because I love you! Killian, you would do the same for me-” she began but his scathing look cut her off.

“Emma, don’t stem your argument on what I _might_ have done. This is about what you did: not listening to _my_ wishes. Again,” he gritted out.

She snapped her mouth shut, glaring at him through her tears. Huffing out a breath, she stood up, walking up to him. “You’re right, okay? I’m selfish and I’m a bitch and I didn’t care about anything other than bringing you back. So, I concede, Killian,” she swallowed thickly, her voice breaking. “I am not going to make a decision for you. If- if you choose to go with your brother, I won’t stop you.”

He looked taken aback, eyes searching hers. “You mean that,” he stated, his heart aching for the pain that decision caused her. “You really-” he bit his lip, his eyes brimming with tears.

“Yes.”

-/-

They all gathered at the stone bridge leading to the other side, Henry huddled next to Emma as they watched the brothers embrace. Killian pulled back, grinning at his brother, even as his heart ached painfully for everything he had to leave behind. He walked over to the group, nodding slightly at Gold. He walked to the person closest, Regina.

“Guess this is your last time to call me some ridiculous name,” he joked, looking up at her with a smirk, which fell when he saw her tearful expression.

“Ugh, you’re so full of yourself,” she grumbled, smiling despite her tone. “As one reformed villain to another, I’m glad you found peace... _Killian_ ,” she emphasised, squeezing his arm. “I hope it’s everything you want,” she added, making his eyes sting.

He looked back at Liam who was smiling proudly at his brother before his gaze shifted to Emma, who refused to meet his eyes, her eyes trained on the ground. His two loves. The two parts of his heart in constant conflict. “I hope so, too,” he intoned, nodding at the Queen.

When he reached David, he was expecting a punch in the face, but definitely not the fierce hug he received. He hugged him back, the man who had reminded him so much of Liam, the man who had come to be his best mate, his family. “Thank you, Dave.”

They stepped back from the hug, smiling tightly. “Thank you, for keeping our daughter safe when we couldn’t.”

He nodded, his chest tight, “T-take care of her,” he muttered. The moment he stepped back, Henry pulled away from his mother’s grip, rushing to him and crashing into him, knocking the breath out of his lungs.

“M’boy,” Killian mumbled, holding his close, his hand smoothing his hair. “Oh, Henry, I am going to miss you, son.”

“Then don’t go,” he pleaded, his voice cracking dangerously as tear swam in his eyes. “Please-”

“Henry!” Emma admonished, pulling him away from Killian, who could only stare as the boy crumbled in his mother’s arms, hurt because he was losing yet another person. His heart seized, yearning to reach for him, to hold him and never let go. To shield him from all the pain in the world. His eyes watered as he stepped towards them, Emma and Henry, wanting to comfort them one last time. He stepped forward, but Emma held up a hand, stopping him. “I think you should go, Killian,” she stated, holding the boy closer in her arms.

His breath caught in his throat at the pain in her voice, “ _Emma_.”

“Little brother-” Liam began but he went ignored.

“Emma,” he tried again, but she refused to look at him. “Darling, _please_.”

She exhaled sharply, finally, _finally_ meeting his gaze. And the grief he found there left him staggering, his head throbbing and his lifeless heart shattered beyond recognition. This was worse pain than any that Hades inflicted. “Killian, your brother is waiting for you. You should go, you deserve this,” she stuttered out. “Don’t make this harder than this has to be,” she whispered brokenly.

He turned back to Liam, the brother he’d lost so long ago. The man who was a better man than he. The man who cared for him, who raised him; the man he still looked up to. Liam was his family for centuries, even as after he passed. Liam was his rock. He had dreamt of the moment he’d be reunited with him, the Jones brother finally together as they venture through the gates of Heaven. Liam smiled at him, the golden light behind him making him seem otherworldly. He swallowed thickly, walking up to his brother in quick strides, crashing into him and hugging him tight.

“Killy,” his voice wavered affectionately. “My little brother.”

“Younger,” he reminded him, chuckling through his tears. “Liam, I have missed you, brother.” He turned back to the people he left behind, his entire body freezing as he saw his Swan, his strong-willed Swan falling apart in her father’s arms. She was on her knees, David holding her and Henry as she buried her face in his shoulder, muffling her sobs. Every part of him was on fire, seeing the love his life, the boy he thought of as his own in so much pain.

He steeled himself, turning back to Liam. “Brother, I can’t move on with you,” he breathed out, his eyes widening. “I can’t leave my family behind.”

Liam expression morphed from happiness to confusion before finally looking back where Killian’s friends had gathered, understanding dawning on him. He exhaled loudly, his hands gripping his younger brother’s shoulders. “Then I shall wait for you on the other side, little brother,” he promised, turning him to face his new family. “They need you more, it would seem.”

Killian looked over his shoulder at his brother, nodding gratefully and embracing him once more, tears pricking his eyes. “See you on the other side, Liam,” he promised.

“Goodbye, Killian,” Liam replied, his voice breaking. He pulled back, nodding his approval at Killian. “She’s a strong one, that Swan of yours. Don’t let her go.”

“Never,” Killian promised, stepping back and watching as Liam stepped through the light, his hand raised in farewell as tears streamed down his face. He turned back, once the blinding light faded, facing his family and friends as they started at him in surprise.

He walked towards him, his pace quickening as Emma rushed towards him. They both crashed into each other, his arms tight around her waist as her pulled her to him, lifting her off the ground and holding her so tight he feared he might hurt her.

“You didn’t go,” she whispered, her voice breaking. “You- you stayed, what were you thinking?” she accused, still holding on to him.

“I was thinking that I couldn’t leave my family behind,” he answered, pulling back and grinning at her. “I was thinking that I love you.”

She stared at him, mouth gaped and eyes wide. “I love you, too. But I don’t want you to resent me, I don’t want you to give up anything for me.”

“I’m not doing it for you, Swan,” he argued. “I’m doing it for _us_.”


End file.
